Sometimes I think about how the behaviour of one person or a group influences others. Behaviour influences relations and this is appreciated or not appreciated. Beyond merits and friendships there is the realm of families where the balance between harmony and dysfunctional is fragile.
Most people do not really think about how small the difference is between a harmonious family and a dysfunctional family. When things go wrong it usually starts to dawn that doubts arise. For me living with and in a dysfunctional family was a regular part of life. It was difficult because I felt I could not trust certain people. Family was not something very valuable at one point.
This aspect of my life, my family I always try to avoid. My family has more been a source of worries and at one point a source of huge risks. This year I choose to distance myself permanently from my family. There are some people who are genuinely nice and care for others. Yet when there are too few good people to count on in your family you might as well consider your family worthless. That has been the decision I made for myself.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be part of family that consists of genuinely “good” people. Then I stop wondering because sometimes people are already terrible. Personal stories aside a traumatic past is not reason enough to behave in a way that forces others to distrust you. Really it does not.
The basis of most relationships is trust, mutual trust. This trust is invaluable and can only be restored so many times. Family tends to consist of people you trust because “they are family.” I was raised to assume my family were good people. Well religion, disagreements and money-issues ended all my assumptions. When even your mother is not to be trusted you have to stay away.
In simple terms when you can trust your family you can build a house on that trust. That is invaluable.
When there is no reason to trust your family any more, they are garbage…
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