The Painkiller Procrastination

It feels good to finally be at peace now. This essay started in May but I did not feel like writing. I procrastinated for reasons I still do not understand. Enough is enough though. Right now it is about 2 A.M. Amsterdam time, Pink Floyd is playing and hot coffee keeps me company. I am out of fucks to give, it is time to write.

To postpone or to procrastinate, to delay or to finish later. Whatever your reason(s) may be to do such a thing sometimes you simply do it. There are days when the kitchen is a mess but you first want to finish your tasty dinner. It may be that in sorting your administration you have to deal with insurance and taxes and one goes first.

Thing is some situations are beyond convenience or priority. Some situations are painful to deal with and you can take the hit now or later. When you are forced to deal with situations on multiple fronts you have to make decisions. Or to quote Jethro Tull “Nothing Is Easy.” I recently had to decide on a situation which has been frustrating me for months. If anything the most painful situations tend to be personal. As such I decided to give myself some time to think but the more I had to think about it the more it hurt. The pain-killer was losing its effect on me.

When a method is no longer effective you have to change the method. Well procrastination is a method and as a pain-killer it really is not that effective. This reminds me of my explorations into Buddhism and Eastern thought where suffering and pain are obligatory parts of life. Of course you want to balance pain and suffering out with pleasure and kindness.  Either way you deal with it to live your life.

Enough digressing though, I am through with Gordian knots and halting dilemmas. In recent months writing was almost impossible as my thoughts were stuck. Enjoying life becomes more difficult when you decide to not decide on solutions. Bitter wisdom reminds me of this every day for months now.

The worst part of procrastination is that between problem and solution you remain stuck and life goes on. I have a job now and the mask I wear to hide my worries is only temporary. I only want to worry about paying my rent, other bills, taxes and my groceries. More makes life gradually more unpleasant. Life is too short.

Additionally there is the time and energy wasted on not deciding on a solution. A day has 24 hours and earthly life has a relative duration. I am no longer religious so eternal life does not make sense to me. What makes sense to me is that time and energy are costly. Think opportunity cost and I prefer spending more time and energy on the things I enjoy.

Testing my patience might strengthen my virtues. Yet I am not willing to become a martyr because I procrastinate. Much time in life is spent waiting because well that is expected. The question you have to ask is “how long is enough?” If you cannot decide someone else will decide for you and who knows what will happen? This is always on my mind. Sometimes you count seconds, sometimes you count days.

Which brings me to this thing called stress. Procrastination can cause stress and under pressure people either break or keep their composure. For how long people can keep their composure depends of course. With experience you learn to deal with stress in better ways. Even so I do not like stress. Stress distracts from the joys of life. My full-time job is already stressful enough.

The most painful reminder of procrastination is the memory of all your personal failures. I keep a library of my personal failures ready to improve and learn. There are so many failures that I sometimes wonder why I made some decisions and I remind myself of my own stupidity. Stupidity hurts thoroughly. Luckily not everything I postponed resulted in failure. I remember, live and learn. Standards and best practices remain carved out by time.

In the end this essay is my way of dealing with a chapter of my life. I want to enjoy life more than before. Procrastination only gets in the way.  What use is a painkiller that tends to make things worse? I prefer coffee or Bach, preferably both with a decent audio system.


The Pink Floyd album ended. “Animals” is a good album. But after the serious yet floaty tone of “Animals” it is time to loosen up again so hey Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” is necessary. Recently rediscovering Prince is one of the best things I have ever done in my life. His work is beyond amazing. The “Purple Rain” album alone…